Existence & Phenomenological ExperiencesPersonal Sensations

Suffer and Despair

The moment of despair is worth hours of happiness seen in the achievement of life’s pleasures. Pain and pleasure are not equal and not weighed on the same scale. In its utmost brutality, despair comes in many forms and tastes; and often from many directions… A brutality beyond the life a human can rejoice living… A brutality wiping out pleasures on the side, subsidizing the unity of that human, and projecting that human as a shadow distortedly reflected on the enternity of sadness and pain. Sadness is the life around, with all its dark shades surrounding the poor soul … the soul which was lured in this hardened-made life with no consultation; to let alone struggle, ramble, and suffer…without a painstopper, without a cease, without an ease. Tortured is the soul fighting against that unknown almighty force; big as much as life. The anonymity of that force, tough-heartedly imprisons that soul without an imagination of the suffer to be felt by surrounding souls. We are created to know and share; maybe…But, unfortunately, not destined to carry others’ heavy carriages. A journey that must be taken, a suffer that must be undertaken… And the suffer is isolative! So to speak of the Will to Suffer; to find meaning in suffering…But shall I here speak of a Suffer to Suffer; to suffer as an integral part of living with or without a meaning. Alas, finding meanings is not always a choice. What’s the meaning of my existence? Why I was created? Why I wasn’t consulted? Left to the stream of life; to beat or to be beaten, but common in both, To Suffer. Says, everybody is created for a reason…and in the lives of many, I hardly saw reasons. People lived and died in vain, poeple lived and died with no dent, people lived and died with no right living, and people lived and died in illusions…their lives didn’t worth the suffer they were mounted along the journey. A worthwhile life is not made for all, but only suffering prevails. The reason of creation is not the reason of living!

I see in the gloomy clouds above, mingled with the intrinsic whiteness, reflections similar to the shady soul inside me; instrinsically white, blurred with blackness. A stretched and torn soul with every piece of it scattered across my inner body. A cut piece in my senses, feeling suffer…A cut piece in my head, processing suffer…A cut piece in my heart, bitterly in pain of suffer. Mourning, and mourning, and screaming…My Lord, to you I am that pitiful soul; dying to be alive…Shall You not cease the suffer in life because I have drawn my neck under its sword, submissive to your almightly wisdom, but shall You have mercy on this poor creature; the creature of human who was made for the heavy carriage…Effortlessly, powerlessly, helplessly against the unknown misery of life. Smiling, sometimes; laughing, sometimes; relaxing, sometimes; rejoicing, sometimes…Poor he is when all is wiped out by the handful suffer of life…Standing in wonder, when all is gone. Suffer and despair, how integral you are in the journey of life!

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