How to cure your spiritual diseases?

A great deal of mankind psychological problems are in fact Spiritual problems. What’s the difference? Psychological problems have a link to physiological matters, represented in how brain neural circuitry and chemistry are impacting and directing you. Depression, for instance, is a psychological problem and a depressed human brain EEG or MRI imaging is differential from those not depressed. Physicians treat this with antidepressant pills; besides, in some cases, adopting psychological techniques such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to aid the process.

However, there are no pills to treat envy. No pills to treat arrogance. No pills to treat cowardice. No pills to treat unjustified fear or panic attacks resultant from, for instance, fear of death. Such are good examples of Spiritual Diseases. Scientifically or methodically, they are enrolled under psychology Personality Theories as personality or character disorders; however, I always seen them as illnesses attacking the spirit not the personality. They are impacting your own very core; rather than a mere representational layer called personality.

Spiritual diseases have only one fundamental root cause: being self-centered. If you want to get rid of 95% of your spiritual problems, stop being occupied by your self only. The less you are occupied with your self, the less you would face such diseases. How to break this pattern? Live for something outside you. Live for others. Don’t say that people around you don’t deserve that you live for them. Ironically, you live for them because YOU deserve to be healthy from spiritual disease. It’s as if this entire universe is designed that we connect. No other way. And it makes sense! If it wasn’t that forced by design, no life would be there – if we had the choice to get away from people we didn’t like or could survive by eliminating others. If you are interested in scientific proof of what I just said, I’d recommend you read Daniel Goleman’s Social Intelligence book. It contains latest neuroscience research about how our brains are designed to connect to the extent that the absence of which is denounced in structural changes in our brains.

And to connect does not mean you spend time on Facebook. To connect is more fundamental than this. It’s to connect with your externals. Here are some examples that you can use to connect – AND to cure your spiritual diseases:

  • Your Work. What you do and produce is a connection between you and people dependent on your output at work. It’s also a connection between you and all the clients impacted by your work. You connect to your colleagues and customers through the work you produce. From that end, think of your work everyday as being part of you getting out and linking to other people. Think of how you are tied to them. You work to connect.
  • Your Study. When you study, you read for other professionals. What you read is not just words. It’s other’s hard effort and sweat. An organism breathing with their blood and mental effort. You connect with them. Not only this, you become a connecting ring in the chain yourself as you propagate forward what you learned in form of practical work you do or knowledge you teach or transfer. You study to connect.
  • Your Commute. You go out everyday. Being light-weighted to those around you. A greeting. A smile. An assistance to old person or a relieve to a troubled person. You commute around people to connect.
  • Your environment. Everything around you has energy level (chemistry people know this). You connect with your environment by being in the same energy band. Want an example of how that feels? Remember that day when you heard good news of being promoted or the good news of being accepted in a scholarship or that job offer or hearing a love word for the first time from the person you loved. Remember how you walked in the streets back then. It felt like everything around you is in alignment with you. It felt like you are extremely harmonized inside that you no longer perceive what’s around you as something separate from you. This is being in the same energy band with your external environment. Feel the air breathe, the birds singing, the sun rays on your face. You look around to connect.

Don’t ever have fear of living for others around you through your work or just living; concerned by living for them you would be oppressing your own self or denying her the attention or care needed. Contrarily, your own self would come to you in a perfect recollection from what you do to other. Connect and you become a better you. A person without Spiritual diseases.

Death’s Sensational Defeat

 

Have you ever wondered how humans are able to live peacefully though all the potential dangers and bad outcomes that could happen to us? What dangers and what bad outcomes? Well, we don’t know – there are just plenty of them from illnesses to relationship failure to death. All are unknown; either by case or by timing.

Hope is a characteristic paired with the unknown. It’s the unknown with its potential outcomes of good or bad that make us hope for the good to happen rather than the bad. If life’s incidents are pre-known to us, there wouldn’t be any need for hope. As such, one of Hope workings is the must of projecting into the future. You cannot hope for something for the moment; you have to throw it off one or two points in the sphere of future; then, sling to it with your hope. The other part of the process is that as you project it into the future, you envision that the good part is the one that keeps happening, indefinitely. This is basically what we mean by “I Hope”. To summarize, Hope is something about the future, not the past nor the present, and it’s about the good thing always happening as the outcome. I boldfaced ‘indefinitely’ above because it’s very interesting feature of hope: there is no end for your imagination of the good always happening. Hope is an indefinite sensation. Want a proof? Easy. Without this indefinite feature of hope, no human being would be able to live with the fact of Death.

Hope is the Sensational Defeat for Death.

It is hope that makes you expecting to live for tomorrow; you cannot be possibly dying tomorrow, not after a month, not after a year….. It keeps going indefinitely. Everybody has an internal hope to live for tomorrow, every day!

With the unknown lying at a distance, you cannot help imaging that the bad is the option to happen that you “hope” for the good to happen; then, you live up for that day. That’s how you keep going.

But hope is nothing negative. It decorates our life and gives us something to live for. It only becomes negative when hope is paired with inactivity. This is when the student doesn’t study for the exam and hopes that he still passes it. This is when hope becomes a painkiller for our inactivity and a conscience silencer for our ill-doings. And here is opens a very interesting thing about human beings: Honest action with total faith vanishes hope.

Faithful action for itself dispels hope.

When you love for itself. When you write for itself. When you work for itself. When you live your life with all what’s in it faithfully for itself, you cease to need hope because there won’t be any unknown you care for. In itself emphasizes the now; the unknown that lies at a distance is not longer important. There is no future state for which you are doing what you are doing now. Thus, you don’t need hope anymore.

Living faithfully and honestly for whatever in your life for itself is the mother of all healthy living, void of fear or expectations. It’s not living in the now as much as believing in whatever you are doing now. Stop hoping for your life. Just live that life, for now and for itself.

Fear and How to Overcome It

What is fear?

In its basic sense, fear is not wanting or being afraid of an undesirable outcome to happen. Thus reasons of fear is that you visualize an undesirable outcome or event and then fear its occurrence.

This is the role fear plays in preserving living creature. Without this mechanism, many undesirable events/outcomes wouldn’t have been avoided. However, the condition becomes handicapping for those obsessing about irrational fears.

Most people attempt to resolve this by operating on their fear itself. The use techniques like: distract your attention, try to overcome your fear…etc. However, such techniques are not sustainable. They might send obsessive fear off, but soon it returns again in attacks. It’s not a permanent solution.

Understand: it’s ALWAYS difficult to operate on your Self. When confronted with any situation in life, if there is a path to get thing done other than through the Self inside; then, opt for it immediately (sadly, this is not the norm).

Instead, operate on the object of fear.

  1. When you are attacked by a specific fear, consciously identify the undesirable outcome/event triggering your fear (based on my essential definition of fear I defined above). Make sure here that you go through the rabbit hole in pinpointing the real undesirable outcome/event behind your fear.
  2. Once you know the undesirable outcome/event causing you the fear, you have two options:
    1. Alter your perception of the outcome/event itself.

How many times you rebelled against something only to find out later that it wasn’t that bad at all? How many times you feared something to find that it was in fact interesting to happen? Sometimes our own perceptions make the outcome/event an undesirable one yet when we ground things in reality or attach them to context, our perception of them changes 180 degrees.

If possible, look at the outcome/event and see what’s about it that can make you perceive it as fear-free.

2. Narrow your definition of what’s fearful.

Fear is sometimes an impulse. If you are not attentive in such time, it will take you over without you giving yourself a chance to think rationally about it. In such cases, when you suddenly say “wait a minute, what am I afraid of”, you may find nothing deserves the fear.

The best way to trap such type of fear (i.e. when it comes as an impulse), is to ask What If?

For example, you are giving a presentation at work and after you were done, you were struck by the fear that you presented badly. In such case, it can turn out to the worst by haunting you down a spiral of negative thoughts. Now, “what if I presented badly”; my colleagues would say that I am not good at public speaking. So What?

Are you going to be fired. No. Are you going to miss the promotion. No (unless your job is not about presenting, which is another thing). Are you going to be hated or ignored by your colleagues. No.

Probably even, your audience won’t remember anything about your bad presentation 3 days after it.

Whenever possible, work on eliminating some of your fears by putting them out of consideration completely. The What If analysis is a viable technique to trivialize your fear, taking it out of the equation.

3. Defuse the influence of the outcome/event by counteracting.

Some things are intrinsically fearful, with no simple angles to exploit for a perception change. For example, fear of death. This is something we cannot alter our perception of it, for obvious reasons.

If you fear something, it means it has direct influence on you. What if you can remove this influence? You are right: you won’t fear it. Let’s take death for example. What would be its influences on you: leaving your beloved, being not ready to meet your God (if you are a believer), feeling pain in the process… This is just a non-exhaustive list to show the method; each one can add his reasons. Thus, in this technique start by enlisting the influences of that thing you fear.

Then, as you tackle each influence, attempt to defuse it by counteracting with an action or mental thought. Following the same example list:

Leaving beloved ones –> In the other world, things are not the same. Your perception changes. You are totally detached for life and is now governed by different rules.

Being not ready to meet your God –> That’s the easiest. Be always ready (if it means to you keeping your prayers…etc.)

Feeling pain in the process –> Well, if it’s going to be really the process of death, understand that it’s soon going to end and things will go away soon. It’s not a pain you’re going to live with.

Doing this exercise, each individual influence is defused once you acted on it.

Whenever faced with a something fearful which its influences are not solvable (like Death), alright, leave its influences as they are. Just defuse their control over you.

The Regret Paradox

Regret is a painful feeling, differential from the rest of other painful sensations. What makes Regret more painful than other negative sensations is that it comes associated with a confirmed sight or perception of what’s right, the right thing that was supposed to be done at the moment we did the thing that we are regretting now. The source of pain in this sensation is thus due to finally seeing the truth or the correct thing that we were suppose to do, but now with no revert. That’s why dropping something in the past that we still have the time to do now does not yield the Regret sensation even if what we kept doing in the past was wrong and now we see the right. This is because we still have the time to do the right; we learn to forgive our past easily that now we can wash it by doing the right going forward. Regret is painful because we finally see what we supposed to do YET time to do it is gone and there is no revert. Both of these elements are must to yield the sensation of Regret.

When I reflect on events or actions in the past and see that something was supposed to be done, the right thing subjectively, instead of what was done, I find that at that time when I did the thing the way I already did, I was still seeing the other way of doing it, but still chose to do it the way I did; the way I am basically regretting now. This refines the past paragraph description of regret a bit: regret is not always associated with a SUDDEN realization of the right thing we ought to do instead of what we already did. In many cases, we choose to do something that way while being in full perception of the other way. In this specific case, when we come to regret the thing now after the time has passed, Regret becomes compounded with the Feel of Guilt. So you regret not seeing or doing the right thing and now the time is gone + the sensation of being guilty for not doing what you had to do because you were fully aware of it but chose to neglect.

In this latter case of Regret, I find Regret a bit paradoxical. I am confronted with a situation. I am aware of two options X and Y. I tend to do X, but at the same time I am inclined to Y. I choose to do X anyways – for whatever reason (being easy, being close to my mood…etc.) Now years later, basically when one suffers the consequences of doing X, Regret happens. This is one scenario and it’s straightforward. The second scenario happens when you do X and then realize that no, you should do Y – here the time is still with you to revert your action. You start to think about making the move from X to Y in order not to regret it in the future. However, you start to feel that shifting to Y will make you regret leaving X. Here is the paradox, Regret in X and Regret in Y. What happened? Why when we still have the time to do X or Y, we are chased by the ghost of regret in both?

In my opinion, in such cases, there is one event that is Real Regret and the other is the Fear of Regret, disguised in regret. We see regret in both because we are unable to differentiate between what’s the one that holds real regret and what’s the one that just holds the fear of regret, but not regret. If you are a regret-based thinker, then, you find it difficult to take decisions or choices in your life under these cases when there is no clear distinction. Admittedly, thinking of regret before the event takes place involves sort of prediction to the future; you are trying to anticipate some events that will take place in the future based on your present choice and you are evaluating whether these events are what you want (or want to avoid) or not. And we are not mistaken to fall a prey to such paradox. Because in many cases taking the decision to move from X to Y entails giving away something we cherish at the present – because if not, we wouldn’t have this paradox in the first place, that is, if X has nothing to cherish or give away, we would be happy to leave it altogether to Y with a lot of ease. Since we are evaluating leaving X to go to Y while X still holds something we like at the present, we become afraid of regretting leaving what we liked at the present to something that we perceive as having something we like too when we go to it, but fear that it turns out to be fake or at least less pleasant than what we gave away as a cost. This even becomes more misleading when Y has some rewards, but futuristic and that you choosing to revert to Y, you will still have to bear some hurdles at the beginning before you reach the rewards. Trading off something we like and have NOW (Instant Gratification) to something that we could be liking more but not now in the future is something sufficient to trigger that paradoxical feeling of Regret. We start to question what if what I anticipate that I will like in the future did not turn out as it should; in this case, I will futuristically regret leaving the pleasure of X for that thing. And at the same time, we think, what if I neglected this futuristic liking because I have what I like now, but in the future what I am liking now will fade away and at that time I will be regretting that I did not choose the event in the past that would have brought me the liking now. That is, the future for the now will be the present when you reach it in the future. We travel with our minds in the future and imagine ourselves there; thus, we become as if we are living two existences at the same time. Thinking ahead is one of the challenging humanly ability; unlike animals that are only concerned with the present moment.

Unfortunately, I won’t tend to put conclusions here because there seem to be no definite one, in the sense of putting something to theorize about. Some people say go and do what you have to do. Some Self Help books preaches for do what interests you whatever the case. But, you know, it’s not that easy. There are considerations that tie us always. And these preaches of some Self Help books under the theme of “Living your life at fullest” or “Living the life you want” contradicts Moral Philosophy theories in many ways. That we are moral agents guided also by duties and obligations. “Living the life you want” in the incomplete way Self Help books preaches for simply drops this Moral consideration. They are animals that can just go and live the life they want; because they don’t have moral obligations to any other thing. But for us, as humans, our moral obligations sometimes stand between us and what we want to do. In this case, as thinking humans, I am still not saying that we follow obligations on the account of how we want to live, but per the same Moral Philosophy theories, self-interest is still something of consideration. This is one point. The second point is that not always what contradicts us are obligation and duties. Sometimes it’s just us not knowing exactly what even would better represent our best self-interest. That is, if you have zero obligations to any other object except yourself, you will still witness to Paradox of Regret because you would be unsure which choice X or Y would really achieve your best Self-Interest. So the problem seems to be, in terms of the Paradox of Regret as I explained above, that in defining our real Self-Interest in event + resolving any clashes with Moral Obligations existent.

Thus, my only advise (or sort of conclusion, I would say) is whenever confronted by the Paradox of Regret, that is, being chased by the ghost of Regret in ALL the choices you got, try to 1) clearly define your best Self-Interest and 2) clearly define any possible clashes with Moral Obligations you are tied to. Then, analyze them against each choice you have. Which one would be meeting my best Self-Interest? And in doing so, what Moral Obligations that would collide with it? And are there any ways to resolve this collide? If yes, then, go ahead, choose, and resolve these clashes. If no resolutions to these clashes or middle-way, do I need to make specific sacrifices? And if yes, will the gain I will have outweighs these sacrifices? And if I made them, will I afford losing them? This is because in many cases the gain will outweigh, but one would not afford losing something in the journey till the gain is reached. For example, to lose having a respectable salary in order to be a university professor after some years – that is, living as a graduate student with low level university rank jobs on moderate stipend. When you become finally a professor (just as you wanted), yes it will outweigh the benefit of having good salary working in a company with no interest, but you may not afford living in pity short of money for some years. Again, self-help books would preach sacrifice for the ultimate goal, which is true; however, you are the person who would live it, so you must be aware of them so that you design your psyche, life, and expectations on such choice and your sacrifices for it. The above self-interrogation with questions I listed is a plausible line of assessing choices for the purpose of resolving the Paradox of Regret. Yet, we should be aware that Regret is an integral part of life and that whatever we do, we should be doing it to minimize it, but not to avoid it altogether.

All The Meanings

 Complain in silence while everybody is looking
Thinking that you are sleeping, but much more is going
Seeing through the end while all do not see
Alone knowing it’s the end, but all don’t know

 

Amid the pain a thought would glimpse
Carrying the burden of what you know but they don’t know
Looking at them… now from another place
They think they are beside, but the truth you only know

 

The days that were lived
The love that was shared
The cries that were rained
And the hug in which you were ingrained

 

Now falling apart with all these getting away
Looking to them as the sight gets blemished
Leaving behind more than what was lived

 

It was not a person that accompanied
It was not a day of happiness
It was not a day of sadness
It became now more than the days that were lived

 

All The Meanings

 

That were once given but not felt
That were once there and we got blind
That we used to live by and let go
The meanings that are now beyond reach

 

Spread and let go
For the time to hold is gone
And as they look with the hope of reprieve
Only hold with the remaining of sight

 

All The Meanings

 

Lose Yourself In Action

“When evening comes, I return home and go into my study. On the threshold I strip off my muddy, sweaty, workday clothes, and put on the robes of court and palace, and in this graver dress I enter the antique courts of the ancients and am welcomed by them, and there I taste the food that alone is mine, and for which I was born. And there I make bold to speak to them and ask the motives of their actions, and they, in their humanity, reply to me. And for the space of four hours I forget the world, remember no vexation, fear of poverty no more, tremble no more at death…”

Thus says Machiavelli in a letter to Francesco Vettori, Italian diplomat and writer, in December 1513. Machiavelli, founder of modern Political Science and best known for his political masterpiece book, The Prince, was a gifted writer in making visual scenes out of his writings. When I read to him, though he could be describing a strategy for the ruler on how to organize his army, I feel as if I am seeing how the army is getting organized before my eyes. In the above quoted from his letter, Machiavelli is beautifully picturing the tiresomeness of the day life – in which he describes his workday clothes as “muddy” and “sweaty”, denoting that what he was doing involved movements and actions (sweaty) on the ground, not in a comfortable room (muddy). Besides the sense resultant from this condition, it also infers that the physical body must be tired after that day of actions.

However, the remarkable thing about the message here is losing one’s self in something worthwhile that one enjoys doing for itself – not for money, not for fame, not for the boss. Beware! This is different from losing one’s self in a task at hand, like filling accounting balance sheet or envisioning a tracking system for an inventory. Machiavelli here is describing a higher level of engagement in something at hand, which is more than just the traditional busyness of our day work or house duties, that maybe can take our minds, but not our souls, senses, feelings, and the intellect. This is described by Machiavelli in that when he gets to study, his soul is teleported to another world; that he feels as if he is one of them – sitting with them, clothed like them, eating with them, and even discussing matters with them. Not only this, but he also feels as if they are responding back to him and answering him. An interactive experience. Such vividness of experience of the invasive absorption of one into something that close to his soul and mind is an experience to be envied. It’s the experience of losing yourself, with all its sides, in action. It’s a bliss that one can have something in his life that can take him away from his life – even if it was a living person. It must not be a study, or a book. It could be a dream, a beloved person, a mission in life… The key is the transcendence of the experience, of going beyond one’s self into something else. This is because humans need transcendence in their lives – not to live self-centred all the way in their course of life. We need that feeling. Besides the beauty of such experience sufficient for itself, that experience is also important as a defence mechanism: losing oneself in action is a shield from depression, despair, and negative emotions. This is because our minds can only focus in one thing at a time and when our minds are vacuum, there comes the chances for negativity to occupy that empty space. As such, losing ourselves in action, best if it was something we enjoy for itself and something that grabs all our senses and mind, is a therapy to many psychological illnesses – in fact, it’s an actual technique in psychiatry, termed as ‘Occupational Therapy’, in which patients are treated by getting them busy in something that absorbs them. As Tennyson said “I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair.”

Let’s not be dwelling into ourselves only all the time. Let’s give ourselves to something we deeply love and appreciate: a study, a mission, a memory, a beloved, or a thought … to give ourselves wholly so that, like Machiavelli had, we lose sense of our current world, our time, and even the clothes on our bodies and just transcends and be with that something – to tear the imprisonment of time and space and travel with our soul and mind to something beyond ourselves. If that something was of yielding a result, like a study or a writing or a mission in life, the outcome would be extraordinary if we did the thing with that level of transcendence rather than just doing it as a busy task absorbing only the mind. And if it was something that has no specific result, like a memory or a dream or a book we are reading or a thought about the beloved, enough with the outcome of losing ourselves and the exhaustion of our day into something we love – something/someone with which/whom we would just be happy being with with all of our soul and mind, even for a short time. This would the least bring us happiness and shield us from many psychological illnesses.

Aristotle – Worthwhile Quotes

Aristotle, my first philosophy teacher, was a well-versed philosopher. His writing style is tough and drought as sand, as some people descibe it. However, his dry, complex academic writing style are actually what attracted me to him and to philosophy. The first philosophy book I ever held in my life was an Aristotle’s book … And when I tell this story to my companions of philosophy, they get surprised that Artistotle’s writings are what got me into philosophy because, as I explained above, he is tough and solid. Aviccena (Pronounced in Arabic as Ibn Sina), a great Easter Philosopher, when he read Aristotle’s book Metaphyics, he couldn’t understand it. Ibn Sina did read that book 40 times before he could contain Aristotle’s thoughts.

Aristotle is called by philosophers and thinkers along the history till now as The Master of Those Who Know. To my teacher from whom I learned and still learning, I share with you a few of his remarkable quotes:

“Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.” 

“Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those the art of living well.” 

“Happiness, whether consisting in pleasure or virtue, or both, is more often found with those who are highly cultivated in their minds and in their character, and have only a moderate share of external goods, than among those who possess external goods to a useless extent but are deficient in higher qualities.”

“Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind”

“Love is the cause of unity in all things.”

criticism

Hating something should inflict in us doing the exact opposite…Or else, it becomes a mere destructive habit of criticism, which poisons the heart and mind.

When you criticize shallowness, you should be doing firmness.

When you criticize cowardness, you should be brave.

When you criticize laziness, you should be active.

But…

Don’t criticize shallowness while you are not firm.

Don’t criticize cowardness while you are not brave.

Don’t criticize laziness while you are not active.

Notice that I have used the character and its exact contrary not just its negation. I could have said:

Don’t criticise cowardness while you are coward.

Because when you criticize something that you ought to be hating, you should not only be doing it but also exhibiting its exact good contrary.

Transfer your frowning towards bad habits in people by making yourself first the good model of its opposite. Only then you not only criticize, but you become the person that balance the evil in this life.

“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”

This is not a quote from a romantic novel or a love book. It’s a saying by the giant Greek philosopher Plato, the student of Socrates, in his book the Symposium. No philosopher has examined and written about the subject of love as Plato did. In his work discussing love, we can see Plato’s magnificent writing style and perfect literature combined with his giant thoughts.

Sometimes we hear in movies or mocking friends the words “Platonic Love”; denoting a joke about how profound love is that it’s not realistic. But these are not mocking words, they are real. Platonic Love is the term describing love as Plato perceived and wrote about. To his view, Plato discussed the type of strong love, a chaste. He wrote extensively on how love is felt, how it has evolved, and its characteristics. He believed in the type of a non-sexual love; that lasts with the fire of feelings and emotions alone.

Whether Platonic Love is there these days or not. Plato in this quote is emphasizing the impact of love after it’s being felt and before it. That without love, one remains incomplete, until a significant other completes the song of their life together. And poetry is the words of the soul, as long seen by Greek philosophers. Thus, denoting how Plato perceived love to be an impact on the soul itself.

We seek to complete our incomplete songs by the mere whispers of our signficant others. The best of us comes out to those who we love; that’s how we should be waiting…and that’s how we should be reacting when it comes.

Suffer and Despair

The moment of despair is worth hours of happiness seen in the achievement of life’s pleasures. Pain and pleasure are not equal and not weighed on the same scale. In its utmost brutality, despair comes in many forms and tastes; and often from many directions… A brutality beyond the life a human can rejoice living… A brutality wiping out pleasures on the side, subsidizing the unity of that human, and projecting that human as a shadow distortedly reflected on the enternity of sadness and pain. Sadness is the life around, with all its dark shades surrounding the poor soul … the soul which was lured in this hardened-made life with no consultation; to let alone struggle, ramble, and suffer…without a painstopper, without a cease, without an ease. Tortured is the soul fighting against that unknown almighty force; big as much as life. The anonymity of that force, tough-heartedly imprisons that soul without an imagination of the suffer to be felt by surrounding souls. We are created to know and share; maybe…But, unfortunately, not destined to carry others’ heavy carriages. A journey that must be taken, a suffer that must be undertaken… And the suffer is isolative! So to speak of the Will to Suffer; to find meaning in suffering…But shall I here speak of a Suffer to Suffer; to suffer as an integral part of living with or without a meaning. Alas, finding meanings is not always a choice. What’s the meaning of my existence? Why I was created? Why I wasn’t consulted? Left to the stream of life; to beat or to be beaten, but common in both, To Suffer. Says, everybody is created for a reason…and in the lives of many, I hardly saw reasons. People lived and died in vain, poeple lived and died with no dent, people lived and died with no right living, and people lived and died in illusions…their lives didn’t worth the suffer they were mounted along the journey. A worthwhile life is not made for all, but only suffering prevails. The reason of creation is not the reason of living!

I see in the gloomy clouds above, mingled with the intrinsic whiteness, reflections similar to the shady soul inside me; instrinsically white, blurred with blackness. A stretched and torn soul with every piece of it scattered across my inner body. A cut piece in my senses, feeling suffer…A cut piece in my head, processing suffer…A cut piece in my heart, bitterly in pain of suffer. Mourning, and mourning, and screaming…My Lord, to you I am that pitiful soul; dying to be alive…Shall You not cease the suffer in life because I have drawn my neck under its sword, submissive to your almightly wisdom, but shall You have mercy on this poor creature; the creature of human who was made for the heavy carriage…Effortlessly, powerlessly, helplessly against the unknown misery of life. Smiling, sometimes; laughing, sometimes; relaxing, sometimes; rejoicing, sometimes…Poor he is when all is wiped out by the handful suffer of life…Standing in wonder, when all is gone. Suffer and despair, how integral you are in the journey of life!